Nothing could have prepared me for this. That is to say, even after all the visits and questions to the OB/GYN, all the conversations with other parents, the day-long online baby classes, the free baby clothes and registry gifts…even after all of this, nothing truly prepares you for that moment when you arrive home from the hospital after the birth of your first child, close the door, look at your spouse and say, “now what?”

At some point we have to make a conscious decision for ourselves, an intentional agreement with ourselves, a commitment to ourselves, to never feel guilty or apologetic about our words, our actions, or our feelings towards others; or to be indebted to anyone else emotionally, physically, or spiritually.

You are standing in front of an unlocked door, you only have to open it and step through to see the possibilities, good or bad. Most of us have a hard time thinking it can’t be that simple. Why? Because between you and that door are all the multitude of people you’ve ever known, loved, and watched, telling you why you should or shouldn’t walk through that door.

I remember a friend once sharing with me that in almost every human relationship, someone takes on the role of the flower, and the other by default assumes the role of the Gardner. I’ve never had a green thumb but somehow I feel I constantly find myself tending to a garden of flowers, some of which I didn’t even plant.

There’s almost nothing more critical to our existence, tied to our being, immersed in our feelings, as the need to feel connected - the desire of being wanted or missed, maybe even sought after, the knowledge and affirmation that were something bad to happen, you wouldn’t be alone.